The Biggest Bribe of the Year

It’s that time of the year again. Kids love it, parents have a bittersweet relationship with it. Christmas. But, in the game of parent vs challenging behaviour it’s the biggest & best bribe of the year.

We all learned pretty early on in our childhood Santa has two lists. One for the good kids and one for the naughty ones. It’s a horrible concept, a threat that no one ever sees through completely because it would be cruel. But we use it on the young minds of our offspring to control the pre-holiday excitement, just like our parents did with us.

We know deep down that bribery is not the best way to cultivate long-term good behaviour but most of us know it works when you most need it. It’s our way of making sure they don’t take some of the fun & privileges of their life in this society for granted. That’s not how I explain it to my three year old however! If you have managed your parenting without bribery then I commend you (and please give me a call). The bribe we used the most before Father Christmas is to withhold CBeebies. One we can see through painlessly and make her see certain behaviour is not acceptable and has consequences. I’ll defend this strategy as we’re only trying to teach them some important life lessons in how to interact with those outside of the family circle.

As much as I would like to taper down the commercialism it’s almost impossible to avoid. You’d have to keep your kids indoors with no TV practically every day! Little L wants a ‘pink baby’, it’s a horrible lifelike baby dressed in pink, obviously, which comes with dummy, nappies (disposable of course), bottle, bowl & spoon. But she didn’t forget about seeing the thing, telling everyone who’ll listen that she wants Father Christmas to bring her the ‘pink baby’. With mummy’s new baby, her little sister, it’s only natural that she wants to mimic her environment, so secretly ‘pink baby’ is coming from Santa. Happily she’s at the age where they only want one or two things, so we aren’t dealing with high maintenance ‘wanting’.

We spin her story about ‘being good for Santa’ it’s more like a folklore tale than a direct threat. In the same way she’s captivated by Disney’s take on fairy stories, it’s exciting to give Christmas some mystique.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Good intentions do not always build success

How Warhol would have interpreted conga style speed networking

As Karen Skidmore from Can Do Can Be, made quite clear in her ‘pep’ talk, attending an event such as Business Mums Summit is only as good as your commitment to achieve your objectives. Networking doesn’t just ‘happen’, you need to follow up and make good on those promises to yourself.

Remember seeing a ‘blogger’ walking around with a 9 week old baby in a sling at Business Mums Summit? Well that was me. Even though I breastfed 5 times at the event plus was on liveblogging/vlogging duties that day, I managed to network. When you carry a small baby around with you, that will ‘happen’ but we can’t all snatch babies to attract attention now can we? The point I’m trying to make though, if I can change the mother of all poo-plosion nappies while chatting to a local business woman about how we can support one another, who can’t leverage their discussions from the day? (the lovely Michelle from Pebbles followed me to the baby change, quite voluntarily by the way and I was glad of the company). The cupcakes and coffee were amazing but if you tilted your head up from the cake stand, there were more amazing women in the room. It’s a good chance you swapped business cards with one and promised a chat, e-mail or just a tweet.

You went to a conference to be inspired, network and find something to motivate an element in your business or life. You only have three more steps to fulfil that objective: write down your thoughts from the day to keep the ideas alive, add to your ‘to do list’ when you are going to send that e-mail/ tweet, add to your calendar when you want to achieve your next business/ life goal.

To refresh your memory with key messages from the Business Mums Summit, visit the liveblog or look for the links to presentations on the website.

Daddy wins Business Parent Award at Mum’s conference

What’s on 4 sister site, www.mumandworking.co.uk hosted their ‘celebration of flexible-working’ awards as part of this years Business Mums Summit. However, it was a daddy who walked away as one of the winners!

I was lucky enough to be sponsored by the What’s On 4 crew to attend the awards (but also did their liveblogging for them!). It’s such a privaledge to be a part of a day where there are so many inspriational women in the room. Everyone goes there looking for something but I’m positive they go away finding that ‘something’ in themselves. This is because we all motivate each other, sparking off enthusiasm and ideas in a free flowing environment. The organisers of Business Mums Summit encourage networking, engaging and supporting one another. A far cry from the old school ‘hold your cards close to your chest’ style of business. Having worked with all the major UK supermarket chains in my day job who practice both the collaborative style of doing business and the more bullying style of approach I know which one I would rather work with. That, as time progresses, I’m sure (and hopeful) will be the future of running a business and certainly mumpreneurs are leading the way.

The awards illustrate all the hard work and soul these ladies put into their businesses. How many times did we hear the story, from various different speakers, they all started businesses while on maternity leave? According to our speaker Kate Garraway and a scientist whose name I didn’t capture, it’s down to the hormones released in our bodies after giving birth. Apparently they unleash a creative mind expansion that never goes away which culminates in many women needing to start projects to engage that energy. That explains a lot! Looking at the faces I did know in the room at the Mum and Working Awards, it was evident this creativity was in such supply, I’m sure you could have bottled it. Franchisors who have dramatically expanding in less than 12 months, business women who have developed signing for the deaf into a major kids activity and a lone business dad who was brave enough to venture the idea that antenatal education needs to be more tailored to both men and women.

Dean Beaumont, aka Daddy Natal, scooped up Business Parent of the Year award. He admitted to me that his partner Steph was part of the driving force behind the business, ‘It should be ‘parentpreneur’ as it’s a real team effort.’ he beams. Could it be that in five years time, ‘parentpreneur’ is the word to make it to the Oxford Collins Dictionary and we’re sitting sipping bubbly with more than one man in the room? Someone’s already bought the domain name…..

Dean talks to me at Business Mums Summit 2011, Mum and Working awards.

Welcome to Baby Number Two

After a frustrating wait nine days past my due date we finally welcomed a healthy baby girl into the world. Just when we thought we knew what we needed to know about labour, we were taken completely surprise with our birth.

The day before I gave birth had my second bout of reflexology. I was trying everything and anything to bring on labour. I so desperately wanted my home birth. We had already opted to go for expectant management past the recommended 12 day threshold for induction. Whether I would have lasted to our planned 43 weeks is another matter. My body was tired & awkward plus stressed from being on tenterhooks for labour to come on. What I failed to work out, that if 1 in 5 women are induced then 4 in 5 must give birth before the deadline for inductions. But even after a midwife pointed this out, my hormones were playing havoc with my daily existence.

Thursday, 4 August and I wake up around 6am. My tummy was sore but it felt like bowel cramps. By 7am I realised that these ‘bowel cramps’ were actually 1 minute long and coming at regular intervals. Could they be contractions? Was I in labour? I sunk into warm bath in the hope it would soothe my belly, then I saw a smattering of blood – it was a show. I got my partner to call the midwife. What had thrown me was I having a major cramp which peaked, then I would have another one immediately afterwards. As I progressed deeper into labour, the midwife and I realised these were both contractions. She had arrived around 8.30am. Amazingly, she was the midwife who delivered my eldest daughter in hospital. There was no time for emotional reunions, these ‘double contractions’ meant we were in business and quick. She measured me after observing me through a few contractions, I was 8cm dilated. My heart was singing, my body on full alert. I had never laboured to 8cm on my own with my first. It was at that point I knew I could do it.

At around 9am (so I’m told) I scream to the house, ‘I need to push’. Although the midwife tried to dissuade me, it’s a common phenomena to feel that way before it’s actually time. But I knew it was time. I could feel the baby’s head between my legs. After another begging session, Mary turns to my husband and said, ‘we can’t give birth in the bath’. It was like an emergency military operation. Our prepared pack of home birth gear was assembled in the bedroom, I waddled there and squatted over the edge of the bed. The adrenaline & endorphins were doing their job, mother nature was taking over. I felt so positive at this point, even exclaiming, ‘that was great!’ after one contraction and pushing. I soon realised that pushing eased the pain of the contraction, the latter being much more painful than the legendary ‘ring of fire’ where the baby’s head is crowning. It must have taken about three pushes to get her head out. I started to relax before being sharply reminded by the midwife we needed one big movement to get the shoulders and body through. I heaved with all my might then looked down to the floor in disbelief, I had done it. The time was 9.15am.

I was so overwhelmed, I temporarily froze while staring at my baby daughter then came to by the sound of being urged to hold the gorgeous slimy creature below while the cord was still linked to my insides. My first instinct was to check that she was definitely a girl, it was a huge relief to see the 20 week scan had been right (my perfect family unit). I very nearly burst into tears but the endorphins plus oxytocin prevented them flowing, I was experiencing authentic, uncontrollable happiness. Not only because I was finally meeting my daughter but also proud to have pushed her out with little assistance. I felt I had achieved a rite of passage to womanhood. Such a contrast to the medicalised birth of my first, in hospital with epidurals and forceps.

I coasted through the next few hours of clean-up and stitching. I was completely focused on my girl, snuggling and feeding her. By midday the midwife was leaving me with her last snippets of advice and a big smile. She told me how she adored home births and working in the community. I was propped up in my own bed with a sleeping newborn on one side, a bacon sarnie on the other.

We’ve all been in a bubble of love since then (2 months ago!), too selfish to share this much. But now I’m well into the adventures of newborn motherhood, there’s so much more to rave about. This is just the beginning.

Related articles

• A Birth Story (4mothers1blog.wordpress.com)
• Evangeline Lilly: I Wanted a Natural Birth (celebritybabies.people.com)
• Perspective and Perception (3precocious3lotus3.wordpress.com)

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday

Summer pests

Finally, it’s school holidays and we seem to have some summer-like weather in the UK but with the sun, comes the bugs. How can we protect our little ones from getting bitten and what can we do if they do? I’ve done a bit of investigation and bring you the best of the net to save your poor mouseclicking fingers….

Image: Christian Meyn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Keep the pests away

Repellent is probably the smartest route to take to prevent getting bitten. For us it was a no brainer to invest in suncream with repellent in seeing as the application of the two are likely to occur in the same situations. Boots’ Soltan range has high factor combinations for kids and adults in cream or spray formats. The range is currently on buy one, get one free, so well worth the £11.25 investment for a couple of 200ml bottle of factor 50 sun protection cream. Follow the usual guidelines for applications, making sure that kids are well covered throughout the day where they are exposed to the sunlight (even through clouds!).

A reliable old fashioned deterrent for the house and garden is lavender. Putting some in a bowl in some rooms, or hanging bunches from walls can keep insects away. You’ll need to refresh fairly often but it’s a chemical free solution to the problem, so little effort for big gain in my view. Essential oils can be used around the house, in bowls or on fabrics (take care with staining) to keep the bugs away. Most popular is lemon eucalyptus oil but also Citronella and Cinammon oils.

I have read about making your own natural repellents but it seems you need to be aware of allergens and reactions when using on children. My advice would be to speak to a qualified homeopath before going down the homemade route on recipes found on the internet.

Interestingly enough there are other simple things you can do to keep bugs away such as dress kids in thin, loose fitting, light coloured clothing, stay away from vibrant colours. Although that does seem a shame and difficult, as summer fashions are invariably bright, I guess it’s about dressing kids appropriately depending on where you are going i.e. if you know there’s a fair chance of increased exposure to insects, go the deterrent route on clothes. Also, avoiding strong floral scented soaps and shampoos can reduce the risk of attracting bugs.

Soothing the bite

NHS Choices website: family friendly and free

So if your child does get bitten, what is the best course of action? I would strongly advice visiting the NHS Choices pages on insect bites & stings as they have comprehensive information on treating bites but in very simple terms it boils down to 1. cleanse the bite  2. use a cold compress to reduce swelling and irritation 3. try everything under the sun to stop your child from scratching! The latter is easier said than done, so a regular cold compress could aid this and depending on their age, you may engage them in the process by getting them to hold it and praising them for their self-treatment technique.

Stinging insects

Netdoctor.co.uk also has this feature by a GP on bites and stings, with some simple and clear tips on how to treat and prevent stings. Most of it is completely logical and about controlling your environment where they may be insects but also being vigilante about how your kids react around them, especially wasps and bees. We are trying very hard to break the cycle of screaming, panicking behaviour that I developed around wasps (I have been stung as a child) and cultivate a calm and respectful attitude from our nearly 3 year old. However, it is difficult, especially when they start to socialise more with other children who may not be as calm.

Happy holidays everyone, hopefully you won’t need to use this article at all.

Silent Sunday